I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
