So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
