the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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