matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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