About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
