Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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