My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
