Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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