girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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