Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
