My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
