What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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