He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
