You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
