you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
