Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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