I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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