chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
