hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
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