Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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