well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
