I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
