Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
