Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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