my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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