I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
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