I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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