ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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