girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
3pm strippers are depressing
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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