I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
