3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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