I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
