Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
