I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
