I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He kissed a someone with a penis
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
