took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
