the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
