I'm lost and stupid without you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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