I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
