I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize