if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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