Soap is not a condiment
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
