I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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