I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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