Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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