Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
