seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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