Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
