i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
