Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
