Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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