Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
