Having a random hookup so left but love u
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I wish there were birth control emojis
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
It all started with a game of naked twister.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
