i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
