come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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