I would go down on you faster than GM stock
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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