I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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