hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
