careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
