I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
