he shaved USA in his pubs
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Randomize
