I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
