This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
