i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
