I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
