woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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