I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
