drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Randomize
