Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
A+ Viking dick
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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