Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
