I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
