Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize