Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize
