i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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