The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
