Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
