Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
