I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Randomize
