I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
