Got a toothbrush?
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
