I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
